Self-Love Isn’t Selfish.

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By Anna Marikar

Self love isn’t selfish. What does that mean? I never really understood the concept of self-love growing up. I guess it was just not something that was trending in the 90’s.

Jokes apart, I grew up in a family that valued giving more than receiving, even if that meant giving away everything you have, even your own sanity and wellbeing.

It took me years to learn that self-love and putting my own wellbeing first is not selfish, it’s actually an act of love.

In this post we will discuss a little bit of this beautiful topic with you.

What is the Meaning of Self Love Isn’t Selfish?

What is self-love and how can it affect how you interact with the world?

I will leave here a beautiful definition I read the other day (author unknown) that can give us somewhere to start.

Because before self-love becomes liberation, it is first a burden. Well, there is the anger at who treated you poorly when you didn’t know to ask for better treatment.

The anger at yourself for what you’ve allowed. There is grief for lost time. There is the strangling necessity to push people, things, ideas…out…because there is no room for them.

There is the loneliness and isolation that accompanies the growth of self. There is the new boundaries lines, the new range of the word “no”.

The new opening of eyes that were once closed shut and the terrifying realization that love isn’t synonymous with joy, it’s synonymous with growth.

That growth isn’t bliss, it never was…it was a lie that said love would be white teeth smiles on beaches.

The pinnacle of self-love is not endless extasy. It is a heart-breaking process of undoing the life your unloved self built…brick by unworthy brick.”

The pinnacle of self-love is not endless extasy. It is a heart-breaking process of undoing the life your unloved self built...brick by unworthy brick."

I think this summarizes self-love to perfection. When you put yourself in that place of self-worth and you are finally aware of your surroundings and how people can take so much from you and break you down.

There are all these phases, anger, grief, loneliness, awareness and excitement. And they are all connected, and I would personally say this journey is not linear.

You will navigate through all these feelings and go back and forth depending on the situations that are presented to you, and every one of them is a new opportunity for you to practice self-love.

self love isn't selfish

It can be quite traumatic to realize that a big parts of you needs to go because that no longer suit you because now you recognize how detrimental it is to hold on to them.

self love isn't selfish

Self Love Isn’t Selfish. It’s Important

This self love process will hurt you and break you but once you get through there is a whole new life with so many more possibilities ahead of you.

When you let self-love take control you will see how it feels to be your authentic self in any situation.

You will demand to be treated the way you deserve and will separate yourself from people and situations that make you feel otherwise.

self love is the greatest medicine

Self-love is a shield to protect you from things, people and situations that do not serve you. Once you sit in this power you will never allow to be treated less than you deserve.

Self-love is a shield to protect you from things, people and situations that do not serve you

If you want to find your way to self-love start by doing things that make your soul happy, peaceful. And it doesn’t have to be anything complicated.

“True self-care is not bath salts and chocolate cake, it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.”

Brianna Wiest

Start simple, like listening to music that elevates you and put you in a good mood. Pay attention to the lyrics and always listen to how your body feels.

Pamper yourself with a lovely warm bath, candles. Read a book, meditate, watch your favourite series on repeat.

Take time to workout, push yourself to do the things that will benefit your health even when you feel tired or have low energy.

Self love is not always fun, sometimes it’s about doing the work – the things that will keep you healthy and well, staying consistent and showing up for yourself.

Take back your energy from people and situations that drain you, or fill you with negative feelings. Take back your time and energy, and put it into yourself for something more positive.

Do what brings you comfort, peace and joy. Connect to those feelings and try your best to let your body feels all those sensations. Now you need to carry and protect these feelings with you at all times.

And whenever you feel defeated or low…rinse and repeat. Little things that make you happy, feel and hold on to those feelings.

Self-love isn’t selfish and it only means you appreciate yourself, your peace and whoever contributes to that state of mind.

Self Love Isn’t Selfish Quotes

The pinnacle of self-love is not endless extasy. It is a heart-breaking process of undoing the life your unloved self built...brick by unworthy brick."

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection,”

– Buddha.

“Talk to yourself like someone you love.”

– Brene Brown

“Love yourself. Be clear on how you want to be treated. Know your worth. Always.”

– Maryam Hasnaa

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.”

– Kaci Diane

“Love yourself so much that when someone treats you wrong, you recognize it.”

– Rena Rose

More Powerful Self Love Topics

Check out our other blog posts on self love, for your health, happiness, well-being, relationships and working towards a life you don’t need to escape from


Please share this message with a friend who can also benefit from hearing it <3

self love isn't selfish it's important
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Anna is a Wales-based writer and graduate from SOAS University of London.
As the voice behind On Your Journey, she empowers women to embrace holistic well-being and spiritual growth through her expert insights into wellness and symbolism.
When she isn't writing thought-provoking articles, you'll find her busy crafting and raising her 4 children.

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