Seeking validation from others is a natural tendency. We all want to be accepted and loved by those around us, and we often turn to other people for assurance and validation.
However, when this becomes a chronic pattern, it can be harmful and limit our ability to grow and reach our full potential.
In this post, we will explore why seeking validation is problematic, and how to stop seeking validation from others.
Table of Contents
- How to Stop Seeking Validation
- Why is Seeking Validation Problematic?
- Looking within for validation
- The negative impact of social media
- Look after your mental health
- Build your own self-esteem
- Focus on yourself and your own goals
- Pause and reflect first
- Stop the cycle sooner than later
- Fully embrace yourself
- People pleasing and external validation
- Recognize your own strength
- Childhood trauma and external validation
- How seeking validation affects relationships
- Final Thoughts
How to Stop Seeking Validation
Here are some tips for how to stop seeking validation from others:
- Practice self-love: The most important thing to do when trying to stop seeking validation from others is to start loving yourself. Focus on what you like about yourself, and what you are proud of. Make a list of things that you are good at, and remind yourself of these things whenever you feel like you need validation from others.
- Surround yourself with supportive people: Seek out people who are positive, supportive, and who believe in you. Surrounding yourself with these people will make it easier for you to focus on your own self-worth and not feel like you need to seek validation from others.
- Be true to yourself: Don’t try to be someone you are not in order to get validation from others. Stick to your values and beliefs, and be honest with yourself about who you are. This will give you a sense of authenticity, which is much more valuable than validation from others.
- Stop comparing yourself to others: Comparison is the thief of joy, and it can also lead to a constant need for validation. Try to focus on your own journey, and stop comparing yourself to others. Remember that everyone is on their own path, and that you have your own unique gifts and talents.
- Find alternative sources of validation: Instead of seeking validation from others, try to find alternative sources of validation. This could be through hobbies, volunteering, or learning new skills. When you focus on what you are good at and what you enjoy, you will start to feel more confident and self-assured.
Why is Seeking Validation Problematic?
Seeking validation from others can be problematic for a number of reasons.
Firstly, it can lead to a lack of self-esteem and self-worth, as we become dependent on the opinions of others to feel good about ourselves.
When we are constantly looking for validation from others, we are essentially saying that we don’t believe in ourselves and that we need someone else to tell us we are good enough.
Moreover, seeking validation can lead to negative relationships and toxic dynamics.
We may be attracted to people who are critical of us, or who make us feel like we have to earn their love and approval.
We may also start to change our behavior to please others, rather than following our own instincts and values.
Seeking validation can prevent us from reaching our full potential. If we are constantly seeking validation from others, we may not be willing to take risks, try new things, or put ourselves out there.
We may be afraid to fail, as failure would mean losing the validation we seek.
External validation refers to the approval and recognition we seek from others.
This is a common need that many people have, as they want to know that they are doing the right thing and that they are accepted by others.
However, relying solely on external validation can have negative consequences, as it can cause a person to seek approval from others even if it is not in their best interest.
Looking within for validation
The first step to seeing validation in a healthy way is to recognize that the only person who can validate us is ourselves.
This means that we must understand that our worth is not based on the approval of others, but rather on our own sense of self.
This can be difficult to do, especially when we are surrounded by family members, friends, and a social circle who we want to please.
In healthy relationships, it is important to seek feedback and support from others, but also to be mindful of how we are relying on their approval.
The negative impact of social media
Social media accounts can exacerbate this issue, as people often use these platforms to seek validation from others.
Seeking validation through social media has become a common trend in today’s world.
Many people use social media platforms to showcase their lives, accomplishments, and achievements in order to receive recognition and praise from others.
Social media validation is also a common way of seeking validation. Many people find comfort in the number of likes and comments they receive on their posts.
However, this type of validation is not always genuine and can be misleading. In order to avoid relying too much on social media validation, it is important to remember that true validation comes from within, and that it is more important to love and accept yourself for who you truly are.
People also look for validation through likes, comments, and shares on their posts as a way to gauge their popularity and self-worth.
While social media can be a source of validation, it is important to find validation from other sources as well, such as self-reflection and the support of loved ones.
Ultimately, true validation and self-esteem come from within and cannot be achieved through external validation from social media.
However, this constant need for validation can be problematic as it can lead to an obsession with social media and an unhealthy reliance on it for self-esteem.
It is important to remember that the number of likes or followers one has on social media does not define their worth or success.
In fact, relying too heavily on social media for validation can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, especially when comparing oneself to others.
Moreover, social media is not an accurate representation of real life, as people tend to present a curated and idealized version of themselves online.
This can lead to a distorted perception of reality and a false sense of validation that is not grounded in reality.
However, it is important to remember that what people post on social media is often a curated version of their life, and that what they show to the world is not always representative of their entire life.
Look after your mental health
This need for approval can be detrimental to one’s mental health, as it can result in a lack of confidence in one’s own thoughts and ideas.
The constant need for validation from others can also consume much time, as individuals may spend much of their day worrying about what others think of them.
However, it is important to remember that validation should come from within, and not from the approval of others.
At the end of the day, it is crucial to consider one’s own best interests and to trust in their own opinion.
Validation from others can be a beautiful thing, but it should never be the sole source of validation.
Build your own self-esteem
Low self-esteem can lead individuals to constantly seek validation from others.
This can manifest in approval-seeking behaviors, where one is always looking for validation from those around them, regardless of their own opinions and beliefs.
It is a good idea to work on building self-esteem and learning to trust in one’s own ideas and thoughts. This can result in a healthier mental state and a more fulfilling life.
Seeing validation from others can often be a first thing that we seek in life. We want to know that our actions and decisions are well received by others and that we have done a good job.
This is especially true when we are trying to improve ourselves and be the best version of ourselves.
However, it is important to remember that seeking outside validation can sometimes lead to a dangerous cycle where we become dependent on others’ opinions to validate our own worth.
When our self-esteem is low, we may look to others for approval and validation in order to feel better about ourselves.
Focus on yourself and your own goals
The best way to see validation is to focus on our own life and personal growth, rather than constantly seeking the approval of others.
This means working on our own self-esteem, silencing our inner critic, and embracing our own unique qualities and abilities.
While it is nice to receive a “good job” or a compliment from others, it should not be the sole source of our validation.
When we rely too much on others’ approval, it can limit us and prevent us from stepping out of our comfort zones.
We may avoid taking risks and trying new things, for fear of not receiving validation from others.
It is important to realize that our own self-worth and validation should come from within, and not just from others’ opinions.
By focusing on our own growth, embracing our unique qualities, and silencing our inner critic, we can find the validation we seek in a healthy and fulfilling way.
Pause and reflect first
Next time you feel the urge to seek validation from others, take a step back and reflect on your own thoughts and opinions.
Remember that your own approval is the most important, and that your own self-esteem should not be contingent on the approval of others.
By valuing your own opinions and ideas, you can feel more confident and secure in your decisions, and lead a more fulfilling life.
People seek validation as a way to measure their worth and to receive recognition and appreciation for their accomplishments.
It is natural for people to want to feel valued and appreciated by others. This sense of validation provides a sense of security and boosts one’s confidence, leading to increased self-worth.
However, seeking validation from others can be dangerous as it creates a dependency on external factors to determine one’s self-worth.
This means that when validation is not received, a person’s self-worth can take a hit, leading to a negative cycle of seeking more validation to feel better.
Stop the cycle sooner than later
This cycle can become exhausting and can ultimately lead to a lack of confidence in oneself and a low sense of self-worth.
It is important to understand that true self-worth comes from within, and it is not dependent on the opinions or validation of others.
People should focus on self-discovery and personal growth, accepting themselves for who they are, and embracing their strengths and weaknesses.
By finding validation within themselves, they can learn to value themselves, increasing their self-worth and leading to a more fulfilling and confident life.
seeking validation from others can be helpful in boosting one’s confidence, but it should not be relied upon to determine one’s self-worth.
With time and effort, they can break free from the cycle and learn to assert themselves in a healthy and fulfilling manner.
However, relying too heavily on validation from others can be a trap. It often leads to a vicious cycle where we seek approval and validation, only to feel disappointed or unfulfilled when it doesn’t come.
Fully embrace yourself
The key to developing a strong sense of self-worth is to find validation within, embracing who you are and striving for personal growth and self-discovery.
We all want to feel appreciated, respected and valued by others. It can manifest in various forms such as seeking approval, attention, and recognition.
However, this constant need for validation can also lead to a negative impact on one’s mental and emotional well-being as it can cause them to lose their sense of self-worth and independence.
It is important for individuals to recognize these patterns and work on building self-confidence and self-worth by finding alternative sources of validation and focusing on their own needs and wants.
This can be especially true when it comes to our self-esteem, which is the perception we have of ourselves and our abilities.
Seeking validation from others can be a natural part of life, but it should not be relied upon as the sole source of self-esteem.
Building a strong sense of self-worth and self-love is essential for a healthy and fulfilling life, and can help us overcome the negative effects of seeking validation from others.
People pleasing and external validation
People pleasers, on the other hand, are individuals who have a strong need to please others, often at the cost of their own needs and wants.
They may feel a sense of pressure to make everyone around them happy and avoid any form of conflict or criticism.
This can result in a lack of self-assertiveness and a constant need for approval from others, leading to an unhealthy cycle of seeking validation.
Both seeking validation and being a people pleaser can lead to a loss of self-identity and cause individuals to feel trapped in a cycle of pleasing others and seeking approval.
It can also lead to low self-esteem and an inability to set boundaries, making them susceptible to manipulation and abuse from others.
Recognize your own strength
This can lead to negative thoughts and feelings, which can further lower our self-esteem and make us more dependent on others for validation.
The key to breaking out of this cycle is to develop a strong sense of self-worth, independent of external validation.
While it can be tempting to rely on validation from others, it is important to remember that making mistakes and discovering your true self is a natural part of the process.
The key is to seek validation in healthy ways that allow you to grow and improve as a person, rather than relying solely on external sources.
This means learning to recognize our own strengths, abilities and achievements, and valuing them for their own sake.
We can also work on accepting our flaws and imperfections, and learning to love ourselves for who we are, regardless of what others think.
People who struggle with self-esteem and self-worth often turn to others for validation, believing that they are not enough or good enough on their own.
This behavior can become a vicious cycle, leading to dependence on others and leaving individuals vulnerable to rejection and disappointment.
Childhood trauma and external validation
Childhood trauma is often a contributing factor to seeking validation. Children who experience traumatic events, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment, can develop a negative self-image and struggle with feelings of worthlessness.
They may look to others for approval and validation as a way to compensate for their low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity.
However, seeking validation from others is not a long-term solution. It can lead to negative consequences, such as co-dependency, decreased autonomy, and a loss of individuality.
It is important for individuals who struggle with seeking validation to understand that true validation and self-worth come from within.
By working through their childhood trauma, developing a positive self-image, and learning to love and accept themselves, they can break the cycle of seeking validation from others and lead a more fulfilling life.
Seeking validation is a common human tendency. It is a natural urge to look for comfort zone by getting validation from others.
Validation of others gives us a sense of acceptance and recognition, which makes us feel good about ourselves.
How seeking validation affects relationships
In social interaction, seeking validation is a common way of feeling connected and valued by others.
This can sometimes lead to awkward moments, where people may feel the need to prove themselves or present themselves in a certain way in order to gain validation.
In an intimate relationship, seeking validation can be especially important. People in close relationships want to feel valued, appreciated, and loved.
Sometimes, however, this can lead to bad habits, such as constantly seeking validation from one’s partner, which can harm the relationship.
On the other hand, there are good ways to seek validation, such as seeking validation through self-reflection, by seeking the opinions of people who have your best interests in mind, and by seeking validation through positive self-talk.
Seeking validation from others is a common problem, but it can be harmful and limit our ability to reach our full potential, including in relationships.
Seeking validation in a healthy way requires a balance between seeking feedback and approval from others and understanding that our worth is not based on the approval of others.
It is important to strive for self-validation, and to recognize that the approval of others is just one aspect of our lives, but not the entire picture.
By practicing self-love, surrounding ourselves with supportive people, being true to ourselves, stopping comparisons, and finding alternative sources of validation, we can stop seeking validation from others and become more self-assured and confident.
Luciana, a proud Brazilian, blends her passion for jiu-jitsu with a deep-rooted connection to spirituality and well-being. Her dedication to the martial art reflects not just a physical discipline, but a holistic approach to life, seeking balance in mind, body, and spirit. Whether on the mats or in meditation, Luciana embodies the essence of harmony and inner strength.