We’ve all encountered those people who think the world revolves around them – narcissists. When life throws a spanner in their carefully crafted plans, these self-absorbed individuals don’t just get disappointed; they often react in truly bizarre ways. Having witnessed these behaviours firsthand in my years as a lifestyle writer, I’ve compiled this tell-all guide to help you spot a narcissist’s tantrum from a mile away.
1. The Spectacular Meltdown
Picture a toddler denied their favourite sweet, but in an adult’s body. That’s a narcissist mid-meltdown! When reality doesn’t match their fantasy, they’ll stomp, scream, and sometimes even throw things.
I once watched my narcissistic ex-boss flip an entire conference table because a client dared to question his ‘visionary’ marketing plan. The dramatic display isn’t just emotional release – it’s a calculated performance designed to regain control through chaos.
2. Blame-Shifting Gymnastics
Masters of mental acrobatics, narcissists will twist themselves into logical pretzels to avoid taking responsibility. ‘The traffic made me late’ becomes ‘You should have scheduled the meeting later knowing my commute!’
My narcissistic cousin once blamed her cat for eating the birthday cake she forgot to bring to my party. Never mind that cats don’t typically devour entire bakery boxes, ribbons and all! This verbal sleight-of-hand keeps their fragile self-image intact while making everyone else the villain.
3. Sudden Victim Transformation
Abracadabra! Watch as the narcissist magically transforms from aggressor to victim faster than you can say ‘accountability’. When their plans crumble, they’ll convince themselves (and try to convince you) that they’re being persecuted.
My former neighbour, after receiving a noise complaint about his 3 AM drum sessions, launched a neighbourhood petition claiming ‘musical discrimination’. The tears, the woeful sighs, the dramatic retellings – it’s Oscar-worthy performance art designed to harvest sympathy instead of facing consequences.
4. The Silent Treatment Specialist
Some narcissists weaponise silence like a ninja wields a sword – with deadly precision. When thwarted, they’ll suddenly disappear into a communication black hole, leaving you wondering what on earth happened.
My university flatmate once gave me the silent treatment for three weeks because I borrowed her hairdryer without performing the apparently required ritual of begging. This emotional hostage-taking isn’t just childish; it’s a calculated power move designed to make you so desperate for their attention that you’ll do anything to end the silence.
5. Revisionist History Creator
Armed with selective memory and audacious confidence, narcissists will completely rewrite history when things go pear-shaped. Black becomes white, up becomes down, and their failures transform into triumphs through the magic of narcissistic delusion.
My former colleague insisted he ‘actually predicted’ the marketing campaign would fail, despite championing it in every meeting for months. The most maddening part? They genuinely believe their revised version of events, making you question your own sanity and memories.
6. The Revenge Plotter
Hell hath no fury like a narcissist denied! When their perfect plans collapse, some narcissists immediately begin plotting elaborate revenge against whoever they blame for the failure.
My ex-friend spent six months orchestrating a complex social media campaign to ‘expose’ a restaurant that seated us by the kitchen instead of the window table she requested. The revenge isn’t proportional to the perceived slight – it’s excessive, meticulous, and designed to restore their sense of power.
7. Immediate Distraction Creators
When narcissists face failure, many will quickly create chaos elsewhere to redirect attention. Like magicians using misdirection, they’ll suddenly bring up unrelated grievances or create brand new problems.
My narcissistic aunt, after forgetting my cousin’s graduation, immediately started a family row about who would host Christmas – in June! This smokescreen tactic works brilliantly because everyone gets so caught up in the new drama that they forget the original issue entirely.
8. Love-Bombing Resurgence
Some narcissists respond to failure with a sudden, overwhelming charm offensive. Like a dormant volcano erupting with gifts, compliments, and attention, they’ll bury you in affection to distract from their failings.
After forgetting our anniversary, my ex showed up with concert tickets, flowers, and a weekend getaway – all booked with my credit card, as I later discovered! This tsunami of affection isn’t genuine remorse; it’s a calculated reset button designed to make questioning their behaviour seem ungrateful.
9. Sudden Expert Syndrome
When narcissists fail, many transform overnight into self-proclaimed experts on exactly why things went wrong – and why it was actually the correct outcome all along. Their confidence in these proclamations is matched only by their complete lack of expertise.
My brother-in-law, after his business venture collapsed, became a ‘business consultant’ lecturing everyone about market economics. The cognitive gymnastics are truly impressive – they’ll reframe failure as a strategic choice they made based on their superior knowledge that others simply can’t comprehend.
10. The Disappearing Act
Some narcissists, when faced with undeniable failure, simply vanish into thin air. Not responding to calls, cancelling plans, or even moving house – they’ll do anything to avoid facing the music.
My former university professor literally left the country when his plagiarism was discovered! Unlike the silent treatment, this isn’t about punishing others – it’s pure self-preservation. By physically removing themselves from the situation, they create space to craft a new narrative where they’re still the hero of the story.
